Tags: avengers, hawkeye, lol, secret avengers
Tags: avengers, hawkguy, if you aren't reading matt fractions Hawkeye you are missing out, lucky, pizza dog
The only thing I want in Avengers 2 is Cap picking up Thor’s hammer, totally unaware it should be impossible.
Screw that, I want Thor to lose his hammer. And there’s some guy playing with his dog like “Go Fetch”.
And then the dog comes back with the Hammer, and Thor shows up and sees the dog holding the hammer in it’s mouth, looks at the guy and says “That is a very good dog”
Interviewer: So what’s it like living with Tony?
Bruce: When I moved in, he insisted on funding all of my research. Except, you know, ever since The Incident, all my work’s been theoretical. It’s not actually that expensive. I’ve started just spending all the extra on fruit pies, just to see if he was keeping track. He isn’t. There are a lot of unused rooms in this building, and at least three of them are stacked floor to ceiling with fruit pies. He hasn’t said a word.
Natasha: It turned out Pepper and I both speak French. Tony doesn’t. Now, whenever he walks in, we just start whispering in French and giggling. Half the time we’re just exchanging recipes. He pretends not to be eavesdropping, but the other day I caught him asking JARVIS what ‘des oeufs’ meant.
Clint: I bought this big bag of little plastic flies, right? And whenever he’s not paying attention, I throw them into his drink. Half the time he doesn’t even notice and just drinks the damn things, but the other half? He starts checking all the house filtration systems, the exterminators, the works. He can’t figure out where all these flies are coming from. He’s fumigated three times in the last month.
Thor: I attempted to provide assistance with a project, but Stark assured me that it was ‘very technical’, and that I would not understand the intricacies. I can see why he would think so, as I am a mere Prince of Asgard, taught such basic engineering when I was a child and his ancestors could not yet walk. It has been five weeks, and he still has not corrected the misaligned condenser coil causing the problem.
Steve: I don’t know what Howard taught that kid, but he seems to be under the impression that homosexuality was invented in 2000. He keeps leaving magazines and pictures lying around like the sight of two men holding hands is going to give me a heart attack. I don’t have the heart to tell him about the Greeks.
Interviewer: So how are things in Avengers Tower?
Tony: How are things? I have no idea. I really don’t. There’s some kind of insect infestation in the vents and I think a spy is trying to seduce my girlfriend into moving to France. I tried to prank Captain America with gay porn, but him and Thor just started trying to reverse-engineer workout routines. The other day I went into one of the spare rooms, and I found some kind of one-armed sex hobo sitting on a throne of empty fruit pie boxes. I just walked out and closed the door. I don’t even wanna know.
Tags: avengers, Captain America, Death would be kinder, too many feelings
#CAN WE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MAYBE STEVE SLIPPED UP HERE? #LIKE HE HASN’T HAD TO FIGHT LIKE THIS SINCE HE HAD BUCKY BY HIS SIDE #AND THE COMMENT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING HE WOULD’VE SAID TO BUCKY #AND WHEN THOR DOESN’T RESPOND THE WAY BUCKY WOULD’VE #HE CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL LIKE SOMEONE KNOCKED THE WIND OUT OF HIM #BECAUSE THO THEY’RE FORMING A TEAM #THEY WILL NEVER REPLACE BUCKY #BUCKY WHO WOULD’VE LAUGHED AND CALLED HIM SOME CHILDISH INSULT #AT THAT COMMENT #THE LOOK ON STEVE’S FACE IN THE LAST GIF SCREAMS HIS DISAPPOINTMENT #THAT BUCKY ISN’T THERE FIGHTING THIS BATTLE WITH HIM (via sgtbarns)
STOP BREAKING MY HEARTTTTTTTTTT
Tags: avengers, i did not know i needed this, inception
“I swear to god, Steve, I will drop the PASIV out of this fucking window if you don’t tell me RIGHT NOW why you thought taking this goddamn job was a good idea, what with Bucky running around in our heads trying to shoot us out of our dreams.”
“Can’t you feel it, Clint? You’re antsy. We’re all antsy. We’ve been the best dreamshare team there is out there since Cobb’s disbanded, and we haven’t gone under in over a year.”
Avengers Inception AU → wherein Thor of Odin Corp. hires Steve Rogers’ elite dreamsharing team to perform inception on his brother, Loki, and a shade of their ex-resident thief Bucky (who was killed when the team’s last job went horribly wrong) tries his best to sabotage it.
Or: Steve extracts, Tony builds, Clint runs point, Natasha’s a master of impersonation, Bruce concocts, Thor’s a tourist, and things happen.
I made the noise equivalent of “!!!”Tags: avengers, Big Bang Theory, bruce banner, hulk, sheldon, soft kitty